No disclaimer. It’s a Teve Torbes post. Yes, I typed up the previous post in anticipation of this one.
I thought people had lost their minds immediately after the election. The amount of hatred that was spewed across the internet was mind-blowing. Personally, I went from “Damn…only 60% of those registered actually voted” to “Damn, I’m glad only 60% voted”. The most asinine shit blasted out by people who, for the most part, wouldn’t have the balls to say it to a person’s face. Verbal attacks on every level: race, religion, looks, perceived intelligence, ancestry, etc. The best (and I use that term very loosely) one was a 24 minute rant delivered by a woman on YouTube. I’m sure she felt justified in her anger as she is clearly a True Believer and the rest of us simply can’t wrap our heads around the implications of this past election. Or she needs 100mg of Thorazine and a padded room. I’m leaning toward the latter.
Look, I voted Libertarian this election. I knew going in that my candidate was not going to win, but figured “what the hell, this guy’s platform seems to fit my views more closely than the others”. Mind you, the last two months leading up to the election, I was besieged by Republicans telling me “We need to get Obama out! You people voting third-party are gonna screw it up for us! You’re just as bad as the Democrats!” The results came in and President Obama was reelected with 50.72% of the popular vote. Do you get that? That means Romney still wouldn’t have made the cut even if every third-party voter went for him.
Blame me and every other third-party voter all you want, but recognize that numbers don’t lie. Blame the welfare abusers, single mothers, race apologists, insert ethnic slur here….basically everyone who didn’t vote your way (Fun fact for you Tea Partiers: that group includes members of the military). Here’s the fact: You lost, just like you lost that baseball game when you were a kid. But unlike that game, your parents are not here to wipe the snot off your upper lip and tell you that you’re still special. Your tantrums weren’t cute when you were a child and they’re damn sure not cute now. To be honest, they’re pathetic. Grow the fuck up and deal with the results. The sun still rose on November 7th. Life goes on. You don’t like losing? Field a better team next time.
After the tantrums were over, some folks who were still in serious denial chose a different method: petitioning to secede from the United States. A few facts on this. The states themselves are not petitioning to secede, individuals in all 50 states are signing these petitions. Seceding will require people to A) find a new form of currency, B) find employment with companies willing to leave the United States, and C) provide for their own defense. Got that? You want to cut loose? That military base next door that has been providing jobs for your town is going bye-bye. It’s all federal property. Also, Texans….I got some bad news for ya. Just because you were your own republic before requesting annexation by the United States, that does not automatically mean you can pick up your toys and leave when you want. Check your history, y’all (I’m speaking Southern in an attempt to communicate effectively) tried that once in 1861 with the rest of the Confederate States. Tell me again how well that worked out. Oh, and everyone that thinks the 10th Amendment gives your state the ability to cut and run? Do me a favor and read the 14th Amendment to the Constitution. That would be the one that was cited in disallowing federal and state restrictions on abortion (Roe v. Wade) and the integration of public schools (Brown v. Board of Education).
Yes, I realize those two cases are probably not the best ones to cite when speaking to hardcore right-wing racist redneck inbred mouth-breathing assholes. What can I say? I like kicking tigers in the ass in my spare time. Particularly if it’s a chain-smoking tiger whose diet consists of fried food and beverages loaded with high-fructose corn syrup. I may be a shit-disturber, but I’m not suicidal.
Back to the secession. I really have to ask, how many of you people signing this petition have any experience with a revolution, armed or otherwise? My guess is probably less than 5% of you. I haven’t been out in the middle of one, just took fire from various groups while in Iraq. That pretty much removed any desire I may have had to participate in armed rebellion. Now, I’m sure someone’s saying, “they’re just seceding, no one’s talking about shooting”. Right. I guaran-damn-tee some wanna-be GI Joe militia asshole is jumping up and down (well, bouncing…most of those militia guys are fat. Still can’t figure out how they find BDUs to fit them, but I digress) in anticipation of “fightin’ fer freedom from dem damn oppressors in Wash’n’ton”. Okay, Rambo, but you might want to settle down before your “excitement” splatters all over your rifle. Wouldn’t do to have your DNA gumming up the works.
So this is what we’ve come to, huh folks? 236 years since we declared our independence, 220 years of non-violent transfer of power, becoming the shining light of hope for a better future……and people are reacting to an election as if they were children. Way to set the example for your own children. “It’s okay, Johnny. If you don’t get your way you can just quit. Don’t forget to scream about how unfair it is before you leave!” As much as I’d like to blame one group of people for this, I can’t. This is a problem in our country that has been coming for a long time. It’s a selfish childish mentality that seriously needs to go. Maybe you didn’t get your asses handed to you when you were younger. Maybe your parents didn’t believe in punishing you and let you grow up to believe the world was going to cater to your every whim. Here’s a hot dose of reality: The world is not fair. You don’t always win. You’re sure as hell not special. If your parents did indeed punish you as a child and you are now quick to point out those parents who let their kids get away with being rude little terroristic asshats……and you are still swearing you’re going to secede? You, my friends, are hypocritical bastards. Now, you can bitch, piss, and moan about it or you can deal with it. You want to thump your chests and proudly claim to be Americans? Fucking act like it.
This Nation was not founded by Republicans or Democrats. The Founding Fathers’ opinions differed greatly, yet they managed to get it done. Want an example? Compare the opinions of Alexander Hamilton to those of Thomas Jefferson. George Washington didn’t belong to a political party while he was in office. In his Farewell Address, he even warned against the tendency of political parties to distract government from its duties and promote infighting. Here we are, 216 years after President Washington wrote his Address to the young Nation and we’re watching the EXACT behavior he warned about. Republicans have spent the past four years slamming a Democrat President. The four years prior to that, Democrats did the same thing. Do I have to spell it out for you people? The President doesn’t matter! The assholes that we have reelected time and again into Congress are stonewalling each other in a partisan pissing contest! Seriously, it wouldn’t have mattered if Romney was elected, the same shit would have happened. So instead of voting out the incumbents or getting off your dead asses and running for office yourselves, you’re just going to up and quit? Fuck it, go ahead. Quit. Leave the Nation. We’d be better off without you whining little pussies anyway.
Did that offend you? Did it piss you off? Good. Now cut the bullshit, get your asses over here and help the rest of us try to fix this mess. Admittedly, we’re responsible for keeping the jackasses in office this long, so we might as well do what we can to repair it. How can we do that? For starters, quit buying into the party line. Get informed. Don’t believe the party press releases and what Fox and MSNBC tell you. Search out non-partisan websites and news sources. If you can’t find non-partisan ones, find the least partisan ones and compare articles. There’s three sides to every story: his, hers, and the truth. Find it. Examine each candidate and vote for the one you feel is best. Vote the incumbents out. Congress is supposed to be service, not a profession. If the new Congress-critters prove to be lying assholes, ride them out of town on a rail. DEMAND that your elected officials do their jobs and stay out of petty partisan bullshit. If no elected officials meet your expectations, run for office yourself. Remember what President Kennedy said, “Ask not what your country can do for you – ask what you can do for your country”. He may have used the line on Marilyn Monroe a few times, but it’s still a good line.
If you wish to claim the title of “American”, you will pick your nuts up off the ground and take your Nation back. If that’s too hard for you, then maybe the rest of us are better off without you. Who am I to say that? I’m an American veteran. I was lucky enough to be born and raised here, and I’ve seen what life is like for people who weren’t. I will not allow anyone to force their beliefs upon my family, but I damn sure won’t quit either. I am someone who believes so hard in the legacy the Founding Fathers gave us that I’m willing to sign that blank check as many times as I have to. I’d like to have as many fellow Americans standing with me as possible. I’m asking you to stay. Stand with us and make this Nation great again.
Besides, if you don’t secede, you won’t need a passport to kick my ass for all the shit-talking I’ve done tonight.