An Open Letter To The Chicago Blackhawks, Specifically Rocky Wirtz And John McDonough

To be honest, this could be directed to all the NHL Owners, but since I follow the Chicago Blackhawks, theirs is the only post-lockout apology I read.  The apology (if if can be called that), can be found here.  For the purposes of this dissection/rant/caffeine-fueled rageahol, I’ll copy it below.

A letter from Blackhawks Chairman Rocky Wirtz and President & CEO John McDonough

On behalf of the Chicago Blackhawks, we would like to thank you for your patience and loyalty over the past few months.  It is imperative that we now look forward in order to prepare and to focus on the exciting season ahead.

We are committed to a mission of consistent excellence, both on and off the ice.  This high standard fuels our passion to reward your allegiance to our franchise.

We are looking forward to the experiencing the electric atmosphere and energy you bring to the United Center for every game.

With “One Goal” in mind,

W. Rockwell “Rocky” Wirtz – Chairman, Chicago Blackhawks     John F. McDonough – President & CEO, Chicago Blackhawks

Let’s break this one down, shall we?

On behalf of the Chicago Blackhawks, we would like to thank you for your patience and loyalty over the past few months, as we were concerned that we would have to rely on the liquor distributorship to pay the mortgage on the United Center.  It is imperative that we now look forward in order to prepare and to focus on the exciting season aheadto fleecing you for every cent we can.

We are committed to a mission of consistent excellence, both on and off the ice (NOTE: “mission of consistent excellence” does not refer to CBA negotiations).  This high standard fuels our passion to reward your allegiance to our franchise.

I can’t even begin to play buzzword bingo with this last sentence, and I deal with bureaucratic bullshit on a daily basis.  The arrogance here is stunning, like Congressional-level stunning.  Reward my allegiance?  How about you reward the allegiance of the people who work for your organization?  You know, the ones who don’t make the league minimum and had to find other means of employment over the past four months.  Should we assume this shortened season was just throwing everyone a bone?  Fuck you with a broken off hockey stick.

We are looking forward to the experiencing the electric atmosphere and energy and money you bring to the United Center for every game.

As I stated above, this can’t exactly be called an apology.  That’s fine, as any apology would have been cheap and false.  But you know how you teach your kids to at least make the effort to say “I’m sorry”?  Apparently ol’ Bill Wirtz didn’t instill that in Rocky.  Hardly a surprise.  In fact, I’m just going to forget the 2010 season and make my sweeping statement here:

ROCKY WIRTZ IS NO BETTER THAN HIS CHEAPSKATE FUCK OF AN OLD MAN.

Yup.  There it is.  Rocky is not the savior of the organization, he’s just another motherfucker who could give a tin shit about the people who pay to watch the games.  I fully expect another attempt at Hawkvision in a few years out of this little weasel.

Tell ya what, boyos.  I’m going to reward your hard work by taking a stand.  I’ve been good for gear and tickets to a couple games every season, figure in the realm of $200-$300.  Not this year.  You’re not getting dollar one out of me, and neither are your sponsors.  Anyone who claims “official sponsor of the NHL” has lost their business from me until next October.  Will it really have an effect on your bottom line?  Doubtful.  But I know I’m not alone in this decision.  And I sincerely hope it hits you in the wallet.  Painfully.

Time to pucker up, Rocky.  You’ve got a lot of asses to kiss and we’re lining up to drop trou.

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